Married Money — Beating Broke

Do Your Financial Splurges Embarrass You?

January 16, 2020 By MelissaB Leave a Comment

Do your financial splurges embarrass you? If they do, you may have noticed that some indulgences are more socially acceptable than others. Many people don’t see anything negative about someone buying a lot of clothes on clearance even though her closet is already full and she doesn’t need anything. Get a steal on clothes that you don’t even need, and you’ll likely be praised. In fact, others may try to emulate your deal seeking prowess. Yet, spend your money on something that benefits you but society sees as extravagant, and you may be shamed.

Do Your Financial Splurges Embarrass You?

Bargain Shoppers or Money Wasters?

I have a relative who is very good at frugal grocery shopping. However, she is a little too good at it. She buys more “deals” than she needs, so much so that she had her husband build shelves in their basement for her to store the deals that don’t fit in their pantry and kitchen. Because she goes shopping for groceries every week, continually finds deals, and only has three members in her family, she’ll never get through all of the food deals she has bought before they expire. Yet, friends always are impressed by her grocery shopping skills.

Do Your Financial Splurges Embarrass You? — Photo by chuttersnap on Unsplash

In our society, we see spending as little as possible per item as admirable even if we’re spending a lot over time for things we don’t need. In fact, in my relative’s case, these items may never be used and just tossed at a later date.

Splurges That Fit Your Life and Budget

However, if you hire a housekeeper because you have a busy schedule and a messy house stresses you out, people may judge you and argue that you’re spending your money frivolously. Yet, isn’t it just as frivolous to buy clothes and groceries that you don’t need?

The bottom line is that we all get to choose what to do with our money. If you’re financially responsible, you can choose to spend your money in ways that others may find frivolous.

Perhaps you hire a house cleaning service. Maybe you buy that sports car you’ve wanted since you were a teenager. Maybe you take the trip to Europe that you’ve always dreamed of.

Don’t feel the need to conform to society’s expectations and judgments.

If you and your spouse work full-time outside the home, and you’d benefit from more hours on the weekends spending time with your kids rather than cleaning the house, go ahead, spend your discretionary money on hiring a house cleaner.

If you feel that a traveling sports team will give your child an advantage when it comes to high school and college as well as personally and physically, go ahead and pay for the team and the travel if you need to travel with your child.

The bottom line is that you make the best decisions for you and your family. Maybe you have a minimalist wardrobe and cook at home every night so you can afford to splurge in other areas of your life. That’s okay.

You can spend your extra money any way you see fit. Society has a rigid standard of what compromises smart use of your money. However, only you and your spouse can determine what compromises smart use of your own money considering your lifestyle and finances.

What is one splurge that you have that you feel society frowns upon? How did you overcome societal judgement?

Is Debt Hiding a Form of Cheating?

January 13, 2020 By MelissaB Leave a Comment

When you think of infidelity, you likely think of one person sneaking out late at night or during the workday to have a romantic tryst with someone other than her spouse. But sexual infidelity is just one form of infidelity. Another type that is becoming increasingly common in our society is secretly spending money and going into debt without your spouse’s knowledge or consent. Yet, is hiding your spendthrift ways just irresponsible, or is debt hiding a form of cheating?

Is Debt Hiding a Form of Cheating?

What Constitutes Cheating

According to the dictionary, to cheat is defined as, “act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or an examination.” With this definition, hiding debts or credit cards from your spouse is indeed cheating.

The Debt Is Almost Always Discovered

Depending how involved your spouse is in your finances, if you are secretly hiding debt, you may be able to hide it for a few months or years, but the deceit is almost always discovered. If you or your spouse has your credit pulled for any reason, the secret debt will be there in black and white.

Serious Ramifications for Your Relationship

At its core, hiding debt is about lying to your spouse. But not only are you lying, you’re putting your own and your spouse’s financial future in jeopardy. Even if you’ve put all of the secret debt in your name only, if you and your spouse divorce, your spouse may also be on the hook for that money. Even if you don’t divorce, paying down that debt takes money away from your financial goals.

Hiding Addictions?

If your spouse has racked up a significant debt without your knowledge, he may be hiding an even bigger secret. Some spouses hide gambling or drug addictions that go hand in hand with hiding increasing debt.

Is Debt Hiding a Form of Cheating? — Photo by Aysha Begum on Unsplash

I knew someone in college whose mother discovered that her father had secretly racked up $30K in credit card debt. She found out that much of that money was to support his alcohol habit. However, deeper probing lead her to discover that he had had a several years’ long affair that had resulted in a child. He paid his mistress ample child support every month, and to make up for that loss of money in his income, he’d resorted to secretly charging expenses.

Come Clean Now

If you have secret debt, the best thing to do is to come clean now. Your spouse will likely appreciate you honestly confessing rather than being caught at a later date. Plus, the sooner you confess, the sooner you can stop the financial damage. In fact, one survey found that most spouses wouldn’t consider a divorce over secret debt unless the debt was $15,000 or more.

Final Thoughts

Even if you say “no” to the question, “Is debt hiding a form of cheating?”, it is a form of deception that can have serious repercussions on your marriage. The best strategy is to confess now. Then, you and your partner can make a financial plan together and minimize the damage from the secret debt.

The Worst Way to Prepare When Expecting a Baby

January 6, 2020 By MelissaB Leave a Comment

When you see two pink lines on a pregnancy test, you may be ecstatic and ready to go into full on nesting mode, buying clothes, diapers, and other items. However, doing that can actually be the worst way to prepare when expecting a baby.

The Worst Way to Prepare When Expecting a Baby

Here’s some of the poor purchases expectant parents make that they later regret:

Buying Diapers in Bulk

There are two problems with buying diapers in bulk that most first-time parents don’t think of.

Your Baby May Be Bigger or Smaller Than You Think

You don’t know what size your baby will be when born or how quickly he will grow. Some babies are tiny and stay in the smallest size diapers for months, while others outgrow them within a few weeks.

Before we had our first child, several people gifted us with size 1 diapers. The problem? Our son came 17 days overdue, and he was almost 10 pounds. Plus, he grew rapidly. He only fit in those size 1 diapers for a few weeks, and we had plenty of leftovers. We saved those for future kids, but all of our kids were over 9 pounds and fit in those diapers for just a few weeks.

Your Child May Be Allergic to a Certain Type of Diaper

Many babies develop a rash when using a certain type of diaper. What type of diaper, though, depends on the baby. My friend had oodles of Pampers, but her baby broke out in a rash when using Pampers. She could only use Huggies, so the stash she had of Pampers went unused.

Buying All Your Own Items

The Worst Way to Prepare When Expecting a Baby — Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Many expectant parents rush out to buy a play pen, crib, high chair, etc. But why? Chances are that, thanks to the generosity of coworkers, relatives, and friends, you will likely have several baby showers where you will get almost, if not all, of the items you need.

When we had our baby showers, we got every big items we needed such as a baby stroller, crib, baby bath tub, etc.

Buying Items In Gender Dominant Colors

When we had our baby showers, we didn’t yet know the gender of the baby, which turned out to be a blessing. We asked for gender neutral items and could reuse them for the next baby, regardless of sex. Our first child was a boy, but our next two were girls.

Time and time again, I see parents who are expecting a girl and buy every large baby item in pink. Then, when the next child is a boy, they have to buy these items all over again and vice versa. Don’t make this mistake. If you plan on having several children, buy gender neutral large items.

Final Thoughts

Children come with many, many expenses. In fact, most parents find that the expenses grow as the child grows older, and they continue until the child graduates from college. The worst way to prepare when expecting a baby is to rush out immediately and stock up on diapers and buy big ticket baby items. Instead, save your money for future child-related items and enjoy your pregnancy.