Goodness! Did you see what the markets did yesterday? Down almost 400 points! If you haven’t already, you had better join the rest of the world in getting out while you still can. The era of easy gains in the stock market and guaranteed returns has officially ended, and it isn’t pretty. It’s time to let go of the bull market ideals. Do you know what happens to a bull in a room full of bears? Here. Let me show you.
Seriously. Those bears are going to eat you alive! Sell everything you got now. Take it out in gold, and head for the hills. Don’t forget the canned supplies and vegetable seeds for after the apocalypse that will follow! Quit your job, pack your family up, and head for North Dakota. We’ve got plenty of oil field jobs available. (see: Bakken formation) And with a bunch of liquid black gold running over your fingers, you won’t need to worry about the crashing stock market anyways!
Ok, obviously, this whole post is a little bit tongue-in-cheek, with the exception of the North Dakota part. We really do have plenty of oil field jobs available. Best economy in the U.S.A., in fact. And, even if the post weren’t tongue-in-cheek, and you took it seriously, you really, really, should talk to a financial professional before making any thing resembling a sell everything move. The whole post was all for the enjoyment of myself, MoneyMamba, and others who felt that there would be a whole plethora of posts by our colleagues touting the benefits of dollar cost averaging and long term views on the stock market. They may be right, but sometimes you just have to poke a little fun. 😉
Despite my best efforts, I don’t know everything about finances, stock markets in particular, so please don’t construe this as advice. It isn’t.
photo credit: VirtualErn
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Hahaha, I said I was going to write something similar today, except about cake. But since your post includes steak, I figure that’s close enough.
Great advice! I not only sold all of my equity investments, but I also closed out all of my accounts, and converted my cash to gold bars and burried them in the backyard. My next step is to sell my condo and stow away on a transport overseas and live in a cave in the Himalayas.
Glad to see you stuck to your guns and didn’t follow the “stick with it” crowd like JT joked about
Hilarious! If North Dakota was so dang freezing, I’d be motivated to move there. 😉 However, for now I’m holding my position. No need to panic quite yet, right?!
I meant “wasn’t so dang freezing”, I’m not awake yet.
Eh, it’s not so bad once you get used to it. Only a couple of really bad days, where the windchill drops below -50. The rest of the time is stays pretty temperate in the 20 to -20 range… 😉 Summers are awesome though!
Get out while you can! The world is ending, and the apocalypse is coming. Head for ND; get a job. Save your money by investing in canned food and Ores.
Sell everything and buy some guns and ammo! Don’t forget to stock up on army rations.
lol.. sell everything! I have family in N. Dakota and they have been in the process drilling for oil.. so once they hit oil.. which they will, we will be buy buy buy.. buy everything!
LOL. Fun little post. There are some days that you just need to walk away and ignore the news and markets. September is one of those days.
I don’t even watch the news much anymore because I’m tired of the sensationalism coupled with gloom & doom. I watch my portfolio, stick to my strategy, and adjust when necessary. No need to follow the herd and panic.
Way to poke fun at a normally ugly situation. What’s the new saying, “Laugh when everyone else is crying?” Ok, I just made that up. My attempt at a Buffettism. Thanks!
401(k) are going the way of Social Security. Ha! I’m glad I read all the way through this post.
I sometimes wonder if buying and holding the stocks are the right thing for me. I saw the market crash in 2008, lost half, now I am seeing it lose some more. Why invest if you can’t bear the ups and downs of the stock market, might as well put it in a savings account that earns you nothing!
The sky is falling, the sky is falling…..the headlines read just as everyone expected. Long term view of th emarket, blah, blah, blah. The only sign I can see is that we are destined for more of the same until the election which is more the real story behind the markets, gas prices, food prices, unemployment and the rest of it.