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Personal Finance from the Broke Perspective

Should You Give Financial Support to In-Laws?

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Financial Support to In-Laws

Watching a loved one struggle financially can be painful.  If you have the money, you may want to step in and give them financial assistance.  However, before doing that, carefully consider.  As Dave Ramsey is fond of saying, “The borrower is slave to the lender.”  The last thing you want to do is have a family member see you as a master.  Nothing ruins relationships faster.  The situation gets even more complicated when you consider giving financial support to in-laws.

Reasons Not to Give Financial Support to In-Laws

There are two main reasons why you should decline giving financial support to in-laws.

Can Affect the Parent-Child Relationship

As mentioned above, one family member giving money to another family member, especially in the form of a loan, more often than not puts strain on the relationship.  That strain gets stronger when a child gives money to a parent.  There’s something about the imbalance of the child being in a better position than the parent that causes strain and embarrassment to both parties.

As much as you may want to help your parents or in-laws, doing so may not be worth the risk you’re taking to the quality of your relationship.

Can Affect the Spousal Relationship

When you’re married and discussing giving financial support to in-laws or your own parents, you’re adding another layer of complexity.  The last thing you want is to give money to your parents only to find out that your spouse resents giving money to her in-laws.  She may feel that the money you’re giving to your parents could be better used for your own family or your children.  This feeling is likely to fester if you’re routinely giving financial support to in-laws.

Remember, money issues are the leading cause of divorce.  If you feel lending your in-laws or parents money will cause financial strain, look at other options.  Try to find other ways to help your parents get back on their feet without risking both the parent-child relationship and the spousal relationship.  After all, if you end up divorcing over this type of issue, you’ll be even less likely to be able to help your parents after an expensive divorce.

Give a Gift Instead

Financial Support for In-Laws
Photo by Esther Ann on Unsplash

If you are financially secure and your spouse is onboard with the plan, why not consider giving your in laws a financial gift?  If your in-laws fall on hard times because of job loss or a health issues, give them a set sum once rather than letting them borrow the money.

However, I would caution against regularly giving them money.  Most people fall on hard times at least once in their lives.  However, if your in-laws regularly request money, likely something in their financial lifestyle needs to be adjusted so that they can be self-sufficient.

Final Thoughts

Giving financial support to in-laws is a risky proposition and not recommended to maintain healthy relationships.  However, if your in-laws fall on hard times, you might instead consider giving them a one-time gift.

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How to Handle Someone Who Gives Too Many Gifts

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First world problems, right?  How can you complain about someone who gives too many gifts?

Believe it or not, that’s something I’ve struggled with during the holiday season.  I have one relative who, simply put, is buying too many gifts for me, my husband and my kids.

Handle Someone Who Gives Too Many Gifts

How to Handle Someone Who Gives Too Many Gifts

If this relative was independently wealthy, that would be one thing, but I know that she’s also trying to save money for some home repairs and a trip of a lifetime to Europe.  I wish she would buy each of us just one gift and put the rest of the money in her vacation fund.

Do you also have problems with someone in your life who buys too many presents?

If so, there are things you can do.  (Though you’ll probably want to implement most of these suggestions AFTER this holiday season.)

 

Set a Gift Giving Limit

Most people buy gifts because they want to be nice, and they want to do something special for you.  However, people can overstep their bounds.  This year between all of my relatives who like to give gifts to our kids, the kids are getting more than enough presents.  Combined with the gifts my husband and I were going to give, my kids were going to have way too many gifts.

I set aside some of the gifts I was going to give; I’ll use them next year.  I also had my mom set aside some of her gifts for birthdays.  I’ve also asked some of the relatives to set a limit of one or two gifts in future years so that our children are not drowning in presents.

Accept and Be Appreciative

Another idea is to simply accept the many gifts and be appreciative.  After all, as Trent Hamm, guest blogger on The Christian Science Monitor, points out, “These gifts are given out of love.”  Hamm, who struggles with his family members giving his kids too many gifts, explains, “People give our kids gifts because they love them so much and it’s their way of expressing it.  For me, telling them  not to do so is akin to saying, ‘Please don’t express your love and caring for our children.’”

Handle Someone Who Gives Too Many Gifts
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

If someone like a grandparent routinely goes overboard with the gift giving, you can reduce the number of presents that you get your kids and save money.  You can just reap the benefits of saving money, or you can take the cash that you saved by not buying so many gifts and instead give the cash as a present to the prodigious gift giver.  Everything comes full circle this way.

Direct the Giver’s Generosity

I remember when I was little, my mom’s friend wanted to get me a Christmas present.  She got me Green Eggs and Ham since I was a prolific reader, but  I was well beyond that book.  Too often, people try to be generous by giving a present, but the gift they give is not necessarily what the recipient needs or wants.

You can direct the gift giver’s generosity by steering her to a wish list.  You could create it on Amazon, and then you would be able to keep track of what has been bought, and you could also have some say in the plethora of presents coming into your house.

Final Thoughts

Learning how to handle someone who gives too many gifts requires tact and patience.  While the situation may be frustrating now, the time will likely come when that person, especially if it is a grandparent, will be gone, and you’ll wish you had this problem.  Be grateful, and use one of the suggestions above to try to stem the tide of gifts, even if that person isn’t willing to change.

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Do you struggle with well-meaning relatives buying too many gifts?  If so, how do you handle the situation?

 

6 Unexpected Baby Expenses to Budget For

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There is nothing more exciting than the anticipation of a new baby.  However, a baby can increase the budget even if you’re frugal.  These are just 6 unexpected baby expenses to budget for.  These items can’t bought second hand and likely won’t be gifted at a shower.

6 Unexpected Baby Expenses to Budget For

6 Unexpected Baby Expenses to Budget For

If you’re planning for a new arrival this year, there are a number of expenses you should plan for:

Formula

6 Unexpected Baby Expenses to Budget For
Photo by Rainier Ridao on Unsplash

I breastfed all three of my kids, but all three were such massive babies with big appetites that I had to supplement with formula while breastfeeding.  We hadn’t planned on that expense, and formula is expensive!

Breast Pump

If you are going to breastfeed, you’ll need a breast pump because even if you’re a stay at home mom, there will be times that the baby doesn’t want to eat or you won’t be with the baby at feeding time, and you’ll want the option to pump.  If you don’t plan to breastfeed for long, you can rent a pump month by month through your local hospital.  I bought mine for $200 and used it for all three children, so it was well worth the expense.

Unexpected Medical Expenses

6 Unexpected Baby Expenses to Budget For
Photo by Sharon McCutcheon on Unsplash

While most babies are perfectly healthy, some babies have issues and have to visit the ER.  My friend’s baby got RSV and then had a partially-collapsed lung, all at 5 weeks old, so she spent five days in the hospital.  That was an expense they had not planned for, and it took them a few months to pay it off.

My daughter had jaundice for three months, and we had to see a number of specialists, and she was checked into the hospital one night.  (She was fine, but we hadn’t planned on the specialists and going to the hospital several times a week to check her bilirubin.)

Increased Grocery Bill

If mom is breastfeeding, she’s going to eat a lot!  It takes a lot of energy to produce all of the nutritional needs for baby.  Don’t be surprised to see your grocery bill increase for the duration of the time that mom breastfeeds.

Clothing

Mom’s body changes after delivery and the post-partum period.  Not only will she need clothes that fit her when maternity clothes are too big and she can’t yet fit into her pre-pregnancy clothes, but she’ll also need some good nursing clothing if she’s breastfeeding.

Miscellaneous Items

There are other, little items that you may need such as diaper rash cream and gas drops.  Our second child had so much gas that she wouldn’t sleep at night, and we went through baby gas drops what felt like every week.  We later found out she had a milk intolerance, and when we took her off milk, she did fine.

Final Thoughts

If you’re expecting a baby, you can get many of the items that you need at your baby shower.  However, there are other items that you’ll need that you won’t get as gifts and can’t get secondhand.  Being aware of these before the baby comes can help you create a realistic budget.

What other expenses would you add to this list?