Beating Broke

Personal Finance from the Broke Perspective

Is Debt Hiding a Form of Cheating?

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When you think of infidelity, you likely think of one person sneaking out late at night or during the workday to have a romantic tryst with someone other than her spouse.  But sexual infidelity is just one form of infidelity.  Another type that is becoming increasingly common in our society is secretly spending money and going into debt without your spouse’s knowledge or consent.  Yet, is hiding your spendthrift ways just irresponsible, or is debt hiding a form of cheating?

Is Debt Hiding a Form of Cheating?

What Constitutes Cheating

According to the dictionary, to cheat is defined as, “act dishonestly or unfairly in order to gain an advantage, especially in a game or an examination.”  With this definition, hiding debts or credit cards from your spouse is indeed cheating.

The Debt Is Almost Always Discovered

Depending how involved your spouse is in your finances, if you are secretly hiding debt, you may be able to hide it for a few months or years, but the deceit is almost always discovered.  If you or your spouse has your credit pulled for any reason, the secret debt will be there in black and white.

Serious Ramifications for Your Relationship

At its core, hiding debt is about lying to your spouse.  But not only are you lying, you’re putting your own and your spouse’s financial future in jeopardy.  Even if you’ve put all of the secret debt in your name only, if you and your spouse divorce, your spouse may also be on the hook for that money.  Even if you don’t divorce, paying down that debt takes money away from your financial goals.

Hiding Addictions?

If your spouse has racked up a significant debt without your knowledge, he may be hiding an even bigger secret.  Some spouses hide gambling or drug addictions that go hand in hand with hiding increasing debt.

Is Debt Hiding a Form of Cheating?
Photo by Aysha Begum on Unsplash

I knew someone in college whose mother discovered that her father had secretly racked up $30K in credit card debt.  She found out that much of that money was to support his alcohol habit.  However, deeper probing lead her to discover that he had had a several years’ long affair that had resulted in a child.  He paid his mistress ample child support every month, and to make up for that loss of money in his income, he’d resorted to secretly charging expenses.

Come Clean Now

If you have secret debt, the best thing to do is to come clean now.  Your spouse will likely appreciate you honestly confessing rather than being caught at a later date.  Plus, the sooner you confess, the sooner you can stop the financial damage.  In fact, one survey found that most spouses wouldn’t consider a divorce over secret debt unless the debt was $15,000 or more.

Final Thoughts

Even if you say “no” to the question, “Is debt hiding a form of cheating?”, it is a form of deception that can have serious repercussions on your marriage.  The best strategy is to confess now.  Then, you and your partner can make a financial plan together and minimize the damage from the secret debt.

The Worst Way to Prepare When Expecting a Baby

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When you see two pink lines on a pregnancy test, you may be ecstatic and ready to go into full on nesting mode, buying clothes, diapers, and other items.  However, doing that can actually be the worst way to prepare when expecting a baby.

The Worst Way to Prepare When Expecting a Baby

Here’s some of the poor purchases expectant parents make that they later regret:

Buying Diapers in Bulk

There are two problems with buying diapers in bulk that most first-time parents don’t think of.

Your Baby May Be Bigger or Smaller Than You Think

You don’t know what size your baby will be when born or how quickly he will grow.  Some babies are tiny and stay in the smallest size diapers for months, while others outgrow them within a few weeks.

Before we had our first child, several people gifted us with size 1 diapers.  The problem?  Our son came 17 days overdue, and he was almost 10 pounds.  Plus, he grew rapidly.  He only fit in those size 1 diapers for a few weeks, and we had plenty of leftovers.  We saved those for future kids, but all of our kids were over 9 pounds and fit in those diapers for just a few weeks.

Your Child May Be Allergic to a Certain Type of Diaper

Many babies develop a rash when using a certain type of diaper.  What type of diaper, though, depends on the baby.  My friend had oodles of Pampers, but her baby broke out in a rash when using Pampers.  She could only use Huggies, so the stash she had of Pampers went unused.

Buying All Your Own Items

The Worst Way to Prepare When Expecting a Baby
Photo by Kelly Sikkema on Unsplash

Many expectant parents rush out to buy a play pen, crib, high chair, etc.  But why?  Chances are that, thanks to the generosity of coworkers, relatives, and friends, you will likely have several baby showers where you will get almost, if not all, of the items you need.

When we had our baby showers, we got every big items we needed such as a baby stroller, crib, baby bath tub, etc.

Buying Items In Gender Dominant Colors

When we had our baby showers, we didn’t yet know the gender of the baby, which turned out to be a blessing.  We asked for gender neutral items and could reuse them for the next baby, regardless of sex.  Our first child was a boy, but our next two were girls.

Time and time again, I see parents who are expecting a girl and buy every large baby item in pink.  Then, when the next child is a boy, they have to buy these items all over again and vice versa.  Don’t make this mistake.  If you plan on having several children, buy gender neutral large items.

Final Thoughts

Children come with many, many expenses.  In fact, most parents find that the expenses grow as the child grows older, and they continue until the child graduates from college.  The worst way to prepare when expecting a baby is to rush out immediately and stock up on diapers and buy big ticket baby items.  Instead, save your money for future child-related items and enjoy your pregnancy.

 

How To Prepare Your Teens to Live On Their Own

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Sure, you love your children, but there’s no doubt that raising them is expensive.  Many parents miss their kids when they move out, but they’re glad to be rid of a heavy financial obligation. . .unless the adult child moves back in.  Suddenly, aging parents may find themselves paying for Junior again, negatively affecting their finances.  One of the best ways to guard against that is to make sure Junior is ready to responsibly handle his finances when he flies the coop.

How to Prepare Your Teens to Live on Their Own

Since our son was about 12 years old, he has been eagerly anticipating moving out and living on his own when he turns 18.  We want to make sure that when he does move out (whether that’s at 18 or a year or two later), that he can live independently and sustainably.  These are some of the skills we’re working on.

How to Prepare Your Teens To Live On Their Own

There are some essential skills your child should master before moving out of the home:

Have a Strong Work Ethic

Some teens leave the nest never having worked a job or done chores around the house.  Kids who leave home without a strong work ethic are less likely to successfully transition from childhood to adulthood, meaning they have a higher chance of ending up back at home.

Teach children from the time they’re young to work for the things they want.  This becomes even more important as they reach the teen years.  Rather than just give your child $20 when she wants to head to the movies with friends, make her work for her money by doing a job around the house or helping a neighbor with a task.

Budget and Handle Money Responsibly

How to Prepare Your Teens To Live on Their Own

Many an adult child has moved back home saddled with debt from the college years.  To avoid this, in the high school years, teach your child how to budget.  Show her how you budget for the family and have her create her own budget with the money she earns from an allowance or part-time job.  Teach her to save for an emergency fund and to save for upcoming expenses.

Just as important as teaching her how to budget is to teach her how to use money responsibly.  One way to do start doing this is to give your 13 or 14 year-old child the money you would normally spend for her clothes for the season.  Let your child buy her own clothes with the money, and she will start learning how far a dollar stretches.  Another way to do this is to let her buy her own food.

Buy and Cook Food

How to Prepare Your Teens to Live on Their Own
Photo by Andy Chilton on Unsplash

When our son was 15.5 years old, we decided to give him a weekly grocery budget and let him do all of his own grocery shopping and cooking.  This has been interesting to watch.  The first few weeks, he ate too many carbs because they were cheap and he thought they would fill him up, which he quickly found to not be true.

The next few weeks, he had a meat heavy diet, which left him feeling sluggish.

The weeks after that, he started finding healthy recipes with balanced nutrition.  He did all of this with minimal input from us.  He learned by doing and experiencing.

Plus, he’s learning not only how to grocery shop wisely, but also how to meal plan and cook, essential skills for when he leaves the home.

Final Thoughts

Obviously, there are many steps to get a teen ready to leave the nest, but right now in our family, we’re focusing on these three as they seem most important for a teen to be able to successfully live on their own.

What suggestions would you add for how to prepare your teens to live on their own?