Beating Broke

Personal Finance from the Broke Perspective

Should You Give Financial Support to In-Laws?

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Financial Support to In-Laws

Watching a loved one struggle financially can be painful.  If you have the money, you may want to step in and give them financial assistance.  However, before doing that, carefully consider.  As Dave Ramsey is fond of saying, “The borrower is slave to the lender.”  The last thing you want to do is have a family member see you as a master.  Nothing ruins relationships faster.  The situation gets even more complicated when you consider giving financial support to in-laws.

Reasons Not to Give Financial Support to In-Laws

There are two main reasons why you should decline giving financial support to in-laws.

Can Affect the Parent-Child Relationship

As mentioned above, one family member giving money to another family member, especially in the form of a loan, more often than not puts strain on the relationship.  That strain gets stronger when a child gives money to a parent.  There’s something about the imbalance of the child being in a better position than the parent that causes strain and embarrassment to both parties.

As much as you may want to help your parents or in-laws, doing so may not be worth the risk you’re taking to the quality of your relationship.

Can Affect the Spousal Relationship

When you’re married and discussing giving financial support to in-laws or your own parents, you’re adding another layer of complexity.  The last thing you want is to give money to your parents only to find out that your spouse resents giving money to her in-laws.  She may feel that the money you’re giving to your parents could be better used for your own family or your children.  This feeling is likely to fester if you’re routinely giving financial support to in-laws.

Remember, money issues are the leading cause of divorce.  If you feel lending your in-laws or parents money will cause financial strain, look at other options.  Try to find other ways to help your parents get back on their feet without risking both the parent-child relationship and the spousal relationship.  After all, if you end up divorcing over this type of issue, you’ll be even less likely to be able to help your parents after an expensive divorce.

Give a Gift Instead

Financial Support for In-Laws
Photo by Esther Ann on Unsplash

If you are financially secure and your spouse is onboard with the plan, why not consider giving your in laws a financial gift?  If your in-laws fall on hard times because of job loss or a health issues, give them a set sum once rather than letting them borrow the money.

However, I would caution against regularly giving them money.  Most people fall on hard times at least once in their lives.  However, if your in-laws regularly request money, likely something in their financial lifestyle needs to be adjusted so that they can be self-sufficient.

Final Thoughts

Giving financial support to in-laws is a risky proposition and not recommended to maintain healthy relationships.  However, if your in-laws fall on hard times, you might instead consider giving them a one-time gift.

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How to Handle Someone Who Gives Too Many Gifts

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First world problems, right?  How can you complain about someone who gives too many gifts?

Believe it or not, that’s something I’ve struggled with during the holiday season.  I have one relative who, simply put, is buying too many gifts for me, my husband and my kids.

Handle Someone Who Gives Too Many Gifts

How to Handle Someone Who Gives Too Many Gifts

If this relative was independently wealthy, that would be one thing, but I know that she’s also trying to save money for some home repairs and a trip of a lifetime to Europe.  I wish she would buy each of us just one gift and put the rest of the money in her vacation fund.

Do you also have problems with someone in your life who buys too many presents?

If so, there are things you can do.  (Though you’ll probably want to implement most of these suggestions AFTER this holiday season.)

 

Set a Gift Giving Limit

Most people buy gifts because they want to be nice, and they want to do something special for you.  However, people can overstep their bounds.  This year between all of my relatives who like to give gifts to our kids, the kids are getting more than enough presents.  Combined with the gifts my husband and I were going to give, my kids were going to have way too many gifts.

I set aside some of the gifts I was going to give; I’ll use them next year.  I also had my mom set aside some of her gifts for birthdays.  I’ve also asked some of the relatives to set a limit of one or two gifts in future years so that our children are not drowning in presents.

Accept and Be Appreciative

Another idea is to simply accept the many gifts and be appreciative.  After all, as Trent Hamm, guest blogger on The Christian Science Monitor, points out, “These gifts are given out of love.”  Hamm, who struggles with his family members giving his kids too many gifts, explains, “People give our kids gifts because they love them so much and it’s their way of expressing it.  For me, telling them  not to do so is akin to saying, ‘Please don’t express your love and caring for our children.’”

Handle Someone Who Gives Too Many Gifts
Photo by Ben White on Unsplash

If someone like a grandparent routinely goes overboard with the gift giving, you can reduce the number of presents that you get your kids and save money.  You can just reap the benefits of saving money, or you can take the cash that you saved by not buying so many gifts and instead give the cash as a present to the prodigious gift giver.  Everything comes full circle this way.

Direct the Giver’s Generosity

I remember when I was little, my mom’s friend wanted to get me a Christmas present.  She got me Green Eggs and Ham since I was a prolific reader, but  I was well beyond that book.  Too often, people try to be generous by giving a present, but the gift they give is not necessarily what the recipient needs or wants.

You can direct the gift giver’s generosity by steering her to a wish list.  You could create it on Amazon, and then you would be able to keep track of what has been bought, and you could also have some say in the plethora of presents coming into your house.

Final Thoughts

Learning how to handle someone who gives too many gifts requires tact and patience.  While the situation may be frustrating now, the time will likely come when that person, especially if it is a grandparent, will be gone, and you’ll wish you had this problem.  Be grateful, and use one of the suggestions above to try to stem the tide of gifts, even if that person isn’t willing to change.

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Do you struggle with well-meaning relatives buying too many gifts?  If so, how do you handle the situation?

 

How Can You Tithe When You Can’t Pay the Bills?

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Most Christians believe that you should tithe, specifically 10% of your income.  While this can be a sacrifice, many Christians are devout in doing this.  But does this rule also apply when you have no money?  Tithing when broke is possible, but you may need to be creative in how you do it.

Tithing When Broke

Start Small

If you’re determined to tithe, start small.  Give what you can.  For years, my husband and I lived in the suburbs of Chicago and made less than $40,000 a year.  We always gave to our church, but we definitely didn’t give 10%.  Now that our income has improved and we’ve moved to a place with a lower cost of living, we have increased how much we give.

There’s nothing wrong with giving what you can and increasing that amount little by little as your financial situation improves.

Tithe Your Sacrifice

We all have areas of our budget where we spend unnecessarily.  Maybe you spend money on a case of beer every month or a Netflix subscription.  Tithing when broke may be in part just a matter of finding those little extravagances in your budget and cut them.  The money from those items becomes money that you tithe.

Find Free Ways to Give Money

There are also free ways you can donate money such as signing up for Amazon Smile.  If you shop through AmazonSmile, .05% of your purchase total goes to the charity of your choosing.  (There are over 1 million charities to choose from!)  I found our church there and signed up.

Likewise, some grocery loyalty cards also have a charitable component.  I signed up for our church through my grocery store’s loyalty card, so a part of every purchase is tithed to my church.

There are other ways you can give for free.  For instance, I signed up for Swagbucks.  I use it sparingly, so I only earn one or two $25 gift cards, but I use those in December to donate a toy to a needy child.  Every year, our church puts up a Christmas tree with gift requests from needy kids.  I always take one and buy something using the free gift cards I’ve earned.

Volunteer

Tithing when Broke
Photo by Anna Earl on Unsplash

If you don’t have any money to give to the church or you can’t give as much as you would like, consider volunteering instead.  There are so many opportunities to volunteer within the church such as serving as an usher or singing in the choir.  The office may need help or you may have specific training such as accounting that you can use when volunteering with the church.

There are also other ways to tithe such as volunteering your time in the community working on houses for Habitat for Humanity or working in a soup kitchen.

Final Thoughts

Tithing is an important part of being a Christian.  However, you may not financially be able to give as much as you would like.  Luckily, there are many others ways to give.  Tithing when broke may require you to give of your time instead or find organizations that give a part of your purchase price to your favorite charity.

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