I never watched The King of Queens during its primetime run, but I have watched it quite a bit on reruns. My favorite episodes are those that are about money. Since Doug and Carrie make a fairly decent living (as a delivery driver and a legal secretary, respectively), but have wants a lot bigger than their wallets, money (and how to find more) seems to be a recurring theme.
The main financial issue with the couple, especially Doug, is that he can’t rein in his inner child. Let’s call it the Heffernan principle.
1. He sees what others have and wants it too.
In the most recent episode I watched, Carrie’s father, Arthur, who lives in their basement, won $2,500 at bingo. Doug decides the money should be theirs since they help support Arthur. Even though they need a new refrigerator, he wants the money to buy new golf clubs. Once he manages to get the money from Arthur, he’s not satisfied and wants more new clubs to complement the ones he just purchased.
2. He blames others for his mistakes.
In one funny episode, Doug and his friend, Deacon, are following in a car behind their wives in another car. Deacon mentions that they’re passing a strip club that sometimes leaves the door open and that he likes to peek and see if he can see anything. Of course, Doug can’t resist, so he takes his eyes off the road and promptly crashes into the car the wives are driving in. Doug has to pay for the repairs to Deacon’s car, but he doesn’t want to because he claims Deacon really caused the accident even though Doug was driving.
3. He’s envious of others who work hard and save for their goals.
In another episode, Deacon and his wife, Kelly, invite Doug and Carrie up to their new vacation home–a cabin. Doug and Carrie are immediately envious and determine that the reason why Deacon and Kelly could afford such a nice home is because when the couples go out together, Doug and Carrie pay for everything. Of course, this is not true, but they just can’t accept that another couple making about the same wage as them could save their money and buy something substantial. For Doug and Carrie, money leaks out of their hands far too easily to save for such a large purchase.
The King of Queens is a humorous show about a couple trying to live their lives in Queens, New York while living with her father (who’s also broke, by the way). Like many couples, they struggle with money, but a main reason for that is because Doug can’t rein in his inner child.
While Carrie is well-intentioned and more mature in this aspect, she inevitably is persuaded by Doug and follows along with his train of thought and his antics.
Sure, as the audience, we have fun laughing at Doug and his misguided thoughts and actions, but have you ever thought if you, too, are like Doug Heffernan deep down? Have you silenced your inner child when it comes to money, or are you still struggling as Doug is?
Melissa is a writer and virtual assistant. She earned her Master’s from Southern Illinois University, and her Bachelor’s in English from the University of Michigan. When she’s not working, you can find her homeschooling her kids, reading a good book, or cooking. She resides in New York, where she loves the natural beauty of the area.
The other day, as my daughter was on her way to the car when I picked her up from daycare. Along the way, she noticed something on the ground. In the excited voice of a 4 year old, she said “Daddy! Look! A rainbow!”, and then pointed at the spot on the ground she was looking at. As I got closer, I found that she was looking at a spot on the wet ground where some sort of oily fluid had likely leaked out of the bottom of a vehicle. Of course, oily fluids, on wet ground tend to separate out into what you and I would probably best describe as an oil slick. But, to my 4 year old, it was a rainbow on the ground. As we drove off to pick up her brother at school, I began thinking about what had just happened.
The thoughts were amplified when she noticed another “rainbow” on the ground on the way into the school. On our way back out of the school, with her brother, she excitedly called her brother over to show him what she had found. My son is 6 (nearly 7), and so has a slightly more advanced knowledge of the world than his sister. I fully expected, in the way that only a brother who doesn’t understand a 4 year old is likely to do, that he would quickly dismiss it for what it was, an oil slick on wet ground, and that her excitement would quickly dissipate. Instead, as she pulled him over and pointed it out, saying “Look!”, he quickly said “A rainbow!”. He saw it too.
As parents, we’re always so excited to teach our children new things. We’re often quick to correct them when they don’t get something right, or don’t understand it. They saw a rainbow. I didn’t. All I saw was an oil slick. Obviously, I saw the resemblance. But, I knew what it really was, so the wonder that my children had for it was lost on me. But, it kept me thinking.
How often do we take what we know, and use it as a filter for the world. Surely, that’s what knowledge is for, right? I know that 1+1=2, and that certain letters spell words, and that drops of oil on wet ground make a oil slick. Yes, it’s colorful, but it’s an oil slick, not a rainbow. How many times do we become so certain in our knowledge, and the filtering that we use it for, that we fail to see the rainbow?
How many people out there are so set in the knowledge that a bank is the lender, and use that to filter the idea of peer-to-peer lending as a sham, without allowing for a little of the rainbow to shine through?
The point is this: If you never question what you think you know, how will you ever know if you’re wrong? Sometimes the formula and constants change. Sometimes, the environment itself is what has changed. Heck, look at the newspaper industry. How long did they refuse to see the emergence of blogs (like this one) as a major change in the dynamic of how people get their news? Some of them still refuse to see that rainbow.
If you do one thing to improve your personal finance today, question what you think you know. Most of the time, you’ll still be right. But, maybe, just maybe, you’ll see a rainbow instead.
What are some rainbows that you’ve found by questioning what you thought was true? What methods do you use to find the rainbows in your life?
Shane Ede is a business teacher and personal finance blogger. He holds dual Bachelors degrees in education and computer sciences, as well as a Masters Degree in educational technology. Shane is passionate about personal finance, literacy and helping others master their money. When he isn’t enjoying live music, Shane likes spending time with family, barbeque and meteorology.
What are your children’s expectations for Christmas presents? Do they expect many Christmas presents under the tree and their every wish to be met? Do they expect a modest Christmas?
Believe it or not, the answer to this question doesn’t really depend on your kids; it depends on you. From the time your children are small, you set their expectations, and what you set by example is what they come to know as “normal” (until they get married and find that their partner has a different “normal” than they do, but that is another post).
If you have small children, think carefully about what expectations you want to give your children. Yes, retailers would prefer that you shop ’til you drop and give your credit card a work out, but it doesn’t have to be that way. Here are what some people do who have chosen to have a different Christmas celebration than retailers would prefer you have:
1. Give some new gifts, some used, and some homemade.
Amy Dacyczyn, the original Frugal Zealot and author of The Tightwad Gazette had six children to buy for. Each child got one new gift. Then, they got a few gifts that were used items that she had purchased at garage sales and thrift stores. She also made her children a few gifts. If I remember correctly, she spent $50 or under for each child. (Of course, this was 20 years ago, so accounting for inflation, she spent no more than $82 for each child in 2012 dollars.
While you might balk at the idea of giving garage sale gifts for presents, I can tell you that I followed Dacyczyn’s practices when I had my own kids, and some of our kids’ presents are nice finds that we got at garage sales. My oldest is 8, and he has yet to complain about it because it is what he expects. He still does get new presents, but there are used ones in the mix. (I like the term recycled better, though.)
2. Give a charitable donation instead of gifts.
Ann Voskamp, the blogger behind A Holy Experience, recounts that one Christmas Eve 10 years ago, her son asked her, “Why don’t we give up things so we can give to Jesus for his birthday?” The question radically changed Voskamp’s way of thinking, and from that year on, her family has foregone giving Christmas gifts to one another. Instead, each day during Advent they make a charitable donation using the money they would have spent on gifts.
This is a radical idea, to be sure, but it is the norm now for her family.
3. Only give 3 gifts.
Another idea based in Christian roots is to only give your children three gifts. Some do this because the Wise Men brought Jesus 3 gifts. Others take a spin on this and give their children three gifts–something they want, something they need, and something they can experience.
4. Meet needs as gifts.
Gifts don’t have to be all luxuries and things you want. When I was growing up, my parents’ money was extremely tight. I got some new clothes during the back to school season, but my winter clothes and sometimes even my uniform clothing or new backpack were all given as Christmas presents. I was always excited to get these things and never felt deprived. My mom told me a few years ago that she had to give gifts this way because money was so tight, but I never knew. This practice was normal for me.
Christmas gift giving was not always the extravaganza it is now. As an adult, I reread the Little House in the Prairie books, and I was struck by how happy Laura was to get her very own handmade tin cup and an orange for Christmas one year.
If you are a parent of small children, you can start your Christmas gift giving traditions now, and they don’t have to involve credit card debt you can’t pay off until March or April.
What is your favorite way to give gifts at Christmas?
Melissa is a writer and virtual assistant. She earned her Master’s from Southern Illinois University, and her Bachelor’s in English from the University of Michigan. When she’s not working, you can find her homeschooling her kids, reading a good book, or cooking. She resides in New York, where she loves the natural beauty of the area.
