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Should You Give Financial Support to In-Laws?

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Financial Support to In-Laws

Watching a loved one struggle financially can be painful.  If you have the money, you may want to step in and give them financial assistance.  However, before doing that, carefully consider.  As Dave Ramsey is fond of saying, “The borrower is slave to the lender.”  The last thing you want to do is have a family member see you as a master.  Nothing ruins relationships faster.  The situation gets even more complicated when you consider giving financial support to in-laws.

Reasons Not to Give Financial Support to In-Laws

There are two main reasons why you should decline giving financial support to in-laws.

Can Affect the Parent-Child Relationship

As mentioned above, one family member giving money to another family member, especially in the form of a loan, more often than not puts strain on the relationship.  That strain gets stronger when a child gives money to a parent.  There’s something about the imbalance of the child being in a better position than the parent that causes strain and embarrassment to both parties.

As much as you may want to help your parents or in-laws, doing so may not be worth the risk you’re taking to the quality of your relationship.

Can Affect the Spousal Relationship

When you’re married and discussing giving financial support to in-laws or your own parents, you’re adding another layer of complexity.  The last thing you want is to give money to your parents only to find out that your spouse resents giving money to her in-laws.  She may feel that the money you’re giving to your parents could be better used for your own family or your children.  This feeling is likely to fester if you’re routinely giving financial support to in-laws.

Remember, money issues are the leading cause of divorce.  If you feel lending your in-laws or parents money will cause financial strain, look at other options.  Try to find other ways to help your parents get back on their feet without risking both the parent-child relationship and the spousal relationship.  After all, if you end up divorcing over this type of issue, you’ll be even less likely to be able to help your parents after an expensive divorce.

Give a Gift Instead

Financial Support for In-Laws
Photo by Esther Ann on Unsplash

If you are financially secure and your spouse is onboard with the plan, why not consider giving your in laws a financial gift?  If your in-laws fall on hard times because of job loss or a health issues, give them a set sum once rather than letting them borrow the money.

However, I would caution against regularly giving them money.  Most people fall on hard times at least once in their lives.  However, if your in-laws regularly request money, likely something in their financial lifestyle needs to be adjusted so that they can be self-sufficient.

Final Thoughts

Giving financial support to in-laws is a risky proposition and not recommended to maintain healthy relationships.  However, if your in-laws fall on hard times, you might instead consider giving them a one-time gift.

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9 Ways to Get Your Child a Christmas Gift If You Can’t Afford to Buy One

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My mom often tells the story of the first Christmas she and my dad had after they were married. They didn’t have any money, so they bought a sad, little Christmas tree on Christmas Eve that only cost a few dollars. It was so tilted that they had to tie it to the wall to make it stand up straight. She got my dad a warm wool pair of socks to wear when hunting, and he got her a tea kettle.  She laughs about that Christmas now. In retrospect, the story does have a poignant sweetness to it. However, that Christmas, they didn’t yet have kids.  When you’re struggling financially, not being able to buy a Christmas gift for your child can be heartbreaking. If your money is stretched and you literally have nothing extra, there are ways to make sure your children have a gift under the tree.

Christmas Gifts

Ways to Get Younger Kids a Christmas Gift

Younger kids are easier to get gifts for when you’re in this situation.  They have less specific wish lists than teens.  Often they’re happy just having a gift, whether that be a doll or a truck.

Buy at Second Hand Shops or Thrift Stores

If you have a small bit of money to buy a gift, consider looking at thrift stores or secondhand shops. Or, you could turn in your kids’ outgrown toys and clothes for credit to purchase items at the secondhand store. Be warned, however, that secondhand stores usually pay just a pittance for items they buy, so you might not get much credit.

Exchange Used Toys with Another Family

Toy Exchange for Christmas Gifts
Photo by Shitota Yuri on Unsplash

Another idea that doesn’t cost anything is to exchange toys with family friends. You gather up the toys your children are bored with or have outgrown, and exchange them with another family who does the same. You can wrap these “new” toys and give them to your children for Christmas.

Ways to Get a Gift for Teens

Teenagers have more specific gift lists and are usually more aware that the family’s finances are tight.  Still with a little creativity, you can find ways to get them gifts they will like.

Give Them Books and Jewelry

You can go to local thrift stores and find books in excellent condition to give for presents.  You may also be able to find nicer jewelry for your teen daughters.

Give Them Gift Coupons

You may not have money now for a gift, but you might have money in a few months.  You can give your child coupons for experiences.  For example, a free one might be, baking and movie night with mom or dad.  While this gift costs nothing, it does give your teen one on one time with you.

Another idea might be one weekend family camping trip.  If you already have the camping supplies, you can go to a national park with a low entrance fee.  This present will likely cost less than $50 for the whole family, and you’ll be building memories.

Gift Them Privileges

One gift that is free but will likely delight teenagers is to gift them privileges.  For instance, if your teen still has chores to do around the house, give them a coupon for a week off from chores.  Or, one coupon could be for an hour or two later curfew.

Give the Gift of Your Time

If you don’t have money for presents, take the time as a family to count all of your blessings.  Then, spend some time helping others who are less fortunate than you are.  Volunteer at a food pantry or soup kitchen.

Sometimes when you find yourself in desperate financial straits, you may start to feel sorry for yourself.  Helping others can make you further appreciate your current situation, even though things feel dire.

Ways to Get a Gift for Kids of Any Age

Christmas gift
Photo by freestocks on Unsplash

There are other ways to get your children gifts, regardless of their ages.

Sign Up for a Free Gift with the Salvation Army

The Salvation Army works hard to give a gift to each child whose family can’t afford to buy one. Go to the Salvation Army website, enter your zip code at the locations tab, and find a Salvation Army near you.

You’ll need to prove that you are indeed low income. You can do this easily if you’re receiving food stamps, WIC, or Medicaid.  There are also other requirements you’ll need to submit, which you can find on the website or when talking to your local office.  Be advised that many people sign up for this service in October, so time is of the essence.

Sign Up on Santa’s Little Helpers

Reddit has a program called Santa’s Little Helpers.  You must join the program, and then you share your wish for holiday presents.  There are limits including $25 for an adult present and up to $100 for a child’s present.  You can make gift requests for each of your children, but if you have more than four children, you will need to provide a picture of your entire family together.

This year, registration began on November 7th, and gift requests will begin on November 14th.  You are allowed to register until December 12th, but obviously, the earlier you register and request a gift, the more likely your request is to be fulfilled.

Contact Your Local Church

Many churches run their own Christmas present giving operation. Contact local churches and tell them your situation. They may be able to help you or refer you to another church or agency that can.

Final Thoughts

If your budget is beyond stretched thin as my parents were on their very first Christmas, remember that there are nine ways to get your child a Christmas gift if you can’t afford to buy one. There are many services available to help assist families in a bad financial situation so that every child can open a present on Christmas.

What other suggestions do you have for families who cannot afford a Christmas gift for their kids this year?

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How to Combat Frugal Fatigue when Being Gazelle Intense

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My husband and I recently added up our student loan and credit card debt.  Imagine our shock when we discovered we have $58,000 in debt!  What was this debt comprised of?  It is made up of nearly $38,000 in student loans, $6,500 on a business credit card for a business that failed and $13,500 of personal credit card debt spread over two cards (the smallest balance at $1,000).  The latter debt is largely due to our current low income and some not so wise purchases.  We’ve recently become gazelle intense.  However, we’re being careful to combat frugal fatigue since we know we’ll need to live this lifestyle for quite some time.

Gazelle Intense

What a Gazelle Intense Day Looks Like for Us

At the urging of everyone around us, we began to follow Dave Ramsey.  Because we do not yet own a house but would like to in the next three to five years, we decided to become gazelle intense, as Dave Ramsey says.

What does gazelle intense look like for us?  My husband works away from the house for 10 hours a day.  After spending an hour with the kids when he comes home, he works on his dissertation and articles for publication for a few hours a night.

I stay home with the kids all day and blog, do virtual assistant work and freelance writing when the kids are napping and after they go to bed.  On the weekend, I typically leave the house for about four hours on both Saturday and Sunday to get more freelance work done.  I estimate that I am working 25 hours a week from home.  My husband is putting in another 20 hours a week at home doing work that will further his career and hopefully lead to a high paying, tenure track job in a few years.

Being Gazelle Intense Works!

Our hard work is paying off.  In just two weeks, we “found” an additional $701 to apply to our debt beyond our regular debt repayment schedule.  We found this money several ways.  First, we returned a few items we bought but hadn’t used before becoming gazelle intense.  Then, we also got an unexpected check that we put toward the debt.  We just paid off our first credit card with the lowest balance.  Next on our plan is to pay off the credit card with $6,500 within the next four weeks.

Getting Used to a New Lifestyle Takes Time

Gazelle Intense
Photo by Louis Hansel @shotsoflouis on Unsplash

As anyone who has become gazelle intense knows, there is a period of adjustment when you have to get used to the austere lifestyle that is required.  Let’s be honest—most people who have credit card debt have at least some of it because of a lack of impulse control and planning.

Was all of our credit card debt due to that?  No, we had a very low income for awhile when my husband’s graduate student teaching stipend was our only income, and we relied on credit to make ends meet.  However, we also ate out more than we needed to.  (Do you ever need to eat out?)  Our debt likely would be lower if we practiced more self-control with ourselves and our finances.  Since we weren’t stringent with ourselves then, we’re having to be now.

How to Maintain Gazelle Intensity for Months (and Years)

Gazelle intensity works with no break if you have a relatively short amount of time you must be laser focused.  If you can get your debt paid off in 12 to 18 months, you shouldn’t need a break.  However, if you’re looking at several years to pay down your debt, you will likely need to give yourself an occassional break to avoid frugal fatigue.

Take a Break After Each Debt

Because there is such an adjustment, to maintain your gazelle intensity and avoid frugal fatigue, consider rewarding yourself for each debt that you pay off or at a milestone you set.  If you have one large debt to pay off, maybe you will reward yourself for every $5,000 you pay off.

For us, since we love to eat out and now no longer eat out at all, we have decided that we will have one meal out every time we pay off a debt.  To maintain your drive, pick one thing you used to enjoy spending money on in your old, less frugal lifestyle, and commit to enjoying that activity once when you achieve your assigned goal in your debt snowball.  Keep it reasonable, less than $50, so you don’t derail your snowball, but give yourself that leeway to maintain your intensity.

Gazelle Intensity Interval Training

Another option is to do gazelle intensity interval training.  If you have a lot to pay off like we do, you may need a different strategy to keep up your motivation.  For instance, maybe you can commit to three months of intensely working and paying down your debt.  Then, you will take a break for one month.  Or, maybe you decide on an amount that you’ll pay down, and then you’ll take a break.  Maybe you decide to pay down $15,000 and then slow down in intensity for a bit. As you become invigorated again, set another goal that you’ll pay down before you rest.

Final Thoughts

Being gazelle intense definitely has rewards.  You put yourself in a painful place for an intense while until the debt is paid off.  Then, you begin to reap the rewards of all your hard work.  You can live like no one else, as Dave Ramsey says.

Yet, be careful not to become so strict with yourself that you give in to frugal fatigue and derail your debt snowball.  A small, planned out treat is often all it takes to keep you motivated and ultimately debt free.  If you’re confronting a large amount of debt, consider instead to be gazelle intense for a few months and then take a break.

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